Untarnished

Shriveled muscadines too long on the vine,

the juicy delight wasted.

Sitting on the edge of brokenness, 

where weeping willow caresses the river.

On the ripples of this tenderness,

Rhodendrum petals succum to the rapids.

Flowing water washes away tree number 28,

and all the pleasure of my last mistake.

Searing cold on hot skin,

I welcome the rain drops.

Shivering and drenched,

I take cover under the tree where I fell in the mud the day you took my picture-

Right here.

Is nothing untarnished?

The sun, the stars, the moon

The sound of wind through my beloved trees

Blossom and bloom

All remind me that I called you in on raindrops.

But, you could not love me like rain.

Praise Kink

The good girl brand 

Is seared into my soul.

Each layer of conditioning that I muddle through, slough off

reveals the tenderness of

A deeper burn.

Through skin

Underneath my bones

Permeating each breath

Laced in every thought 

Lurking in my dreams.

I carve " I choose me" in my arm only to

Defer to disfiguring who I am 

To be a good girl.

I try to resist

Am I true to myself?

I believe it.

I believe I am healed.

I am doing it.

Until I realize I've lost myself again 

This.

This is why I have come to love the descent.

I watch myself 

Slowly isolate

Lose interest 

Shrink in

Lash out

Coil up

Until I finally see her

Matted braids 

Sunken eyes

Unapologetic 

I see me in the eyes of the girl at the stoplight 

Cigarette on her lips staring wistfully as her music gushes out of her stereo

I fall into my deep self

She/me/we

Have nothing to give

To anyone 

Nothing

Raw truth 

Striking clarity 

I love her.

I really, really love her.

Look at her lost, all wrapped up in the beauty of a fallen branch, detached lichen and decaying leaf

She soothes me

CLEAR!

I hear in the distance as she is ripped from my finger tips 

The voltage runs through me 

Bringing me back to the searing need to smile as I whisper

"My pleasure"