Praise Kink

The good girl brand 

Is seared into my soul.

Each layer of conditioning that I muddle through, slough off

reveals the tenderness of

A deeper burn.

Through skin

Underneath my bones

Permeating each breath

Laced in every thought 

Lurking in my dreams.

I carve " I choose me" in my arm only to

Defer to disfiguring who I am 

To be a good girl.

I try to resist

Am I true to myself?

I believe it.

I believe I am healed.

I am doing it.

Until I realize I've lost myself again 

This.

This is why I have come to love the descent.

I watch myself 

Slowly isolate

Lose interest 

Shrink in

Lash out

Coil up

Until I finally see her

Matted braids 

Sunken eyes

Unapologetic 

I see me in the eyes of the girl at the stoplight 

Cigarette on her lips staring wistfully as her music gushes out of her stereo

I fall into my deep self

She/me/we

Have nothing to give

To anyone 

Nothing

Raw truth 

Striking clarity 

I love her.

I really, really love her.

Look at her lost, all wrapped up in the beauty of a fallen branch, detached lichen and decaying leaf

She soothes me

CLEAR!

I hear in the distance as she is ripped from my finger tips 

The voltage runs through me 

Bringing me back to the searing need to smile as I whisper

"My pleasure"